iworshipHim's Xanga

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Thu, 20 Nov 2008 12:14:53 GMT

I've had a few trying days at work. Since last week, Tim's been upset and showing it very visibly to me. But it's really in these trying times that I learn the most. It's been really fruitful, and humbling. I'm learning to really be patient, be loving, learning how to deal with behavioural issues and oppositional behaviour. I love my kid's mum, she's one of the most dedicated mother I've ever worked with. She's taught me what is means, to be a mum.

All these.. this is what I'm in this for.

Today after Math, 3rd period.

(Tim turns to face me)

Tim: "Miss Raph, are you married?"

Me: "No, I'm not, Tim." (smiles)

Tim: "Oh my gosh!" (shocked face)

Me: "Oh dear, you sound shocked! Am I supposed to be married? See, I'm not wearing a ring!" (laughs and shows him my hands)

(After staring at my hands, and turning them palm up then down again)

Tim: "Well then, you can marry me!" (smiles his goofy, toothy smile, eyes lighting up in earnesty)

Me: "Hmmm, I'll certainly consider it. But you might want to give it more thought too ok?" (silently laughing with Viv, a colleague who overheard the conversation)

Tim: "Ok, I will." (same goofy, toothy smile)

Me: "But now's break time, so scoot off for some snack!"

(Tim runs off, maths folder in hand, for yet another chocolate muffin and chocolate milk)

Fancy that, a marriage proposal in 3rd period Math!

This song has been in my head since this afternoon, honestly random! And because I could only remember one line I googled it. Now we know, Before I Fall in Love by Coco Lee (I know, eons ago!)

Random recalling of songs, isn't the brain fascinating?

[Chorus:]
Someone to have and hold
With all my heart and soul
I need to know
Before I fall in love
Someone who'll stay around
Through all my ups and downs
So tell me now
Before I fall in love

I was singing the first line of the chorus the whole day, because that was all I remembered.

I like the chorus, but the verses don't mean anything to me.

I'm free.

I'm free!

Wednesday, September 03, 2008

Wed, 03 Sep 2008 13:09:17 GMT

I've been working as a PLSA (Parent Learning Support Aide) at Tanglin Trust School for 3 days now, and enjoying it tremendously. because i'm desperately trying to sleep before 10pm (and already 10 minutes late on that), i'll just say a little..

yesterday, i was sitting in on a session with Miss Jen (a Learning Support teacher) and my little boy Tim, and his task was to write a postcard about his summer holidays.

so.. she asked Tim who he'd like to address the postcard to.

he replied Lucy.

and we were like 'oooh, who's Lucy?'

Tim gave a little smile and replied, 'my true love.'

i tell you.

hahaha.. if only asians were as frank. it'd save us, or me at least, from lots of trouble.

updates again, sleep time.

it's a 5.30am day tomorrow. and tomorrow. and tomorrow. and tomorrow.

point taken.

Sunday, August 31, 2008

Sun, 31 Aug 2008 11:24:35 GMT

So I've been thinking for some time, wanting actually, to have a cross necklace. No that makes it sound like the necklace is irritated. I never quite know how to say it correctly, but I should think it's a necklace with a cross pendant. yes. a pretty one (as with everything else i own).

After doing some errands at a nearby mall today (nearby no longer means Tampines Mall, unfortunately), I decided to go look around for one. At least, just to see what's available.

I walked into a number of jewelry shops, and only two cross pendants caught my atttention and fancy.

They were respectively $3360 and $1006.

Ahhh Mr future husband, i'm glad we don't know each other yet. we don't want to scare you away now, do we? No, definately not a good idea.

Because.. I was thinking of something else.

I've been thinking, wondering actually, of doing my PhD. When I graduate from my Masters programme, I'll be 24 yrs old. After I've completed my Masters, it's but two years more.

The catch is, how do I have a career and get married and complete a PhD and have 3 children, preferably before I turn 34? The math puzzled me greatly, and the answer still eludes me. Drop a sms or leave a comment if you think you have 'eureka'-ed! an answer for me.. I am, after all, horribly bad at maths.

Saturday, August 30, 2008

Sat, 30 Aug 2008 10:59:07 GMT

Oh my goodness!!

Ok, story from the start.. here goes. I gained admission into the Masters of Science in Speech and Language Pathology in NUS, starting jan '09. After the flurry of excitement at having gained admission, the next round of excitement started. Scholarships were opened and invitations to apply were made, for the 20 of us who got into the course. I had thought about it, prayed about it and then thought about it, and decided I want to work in a hospital setting. There's where I want to be when I start out as a new therapist, for various reasons. Now, hospitals in Singapre are clustered under two organisations, National Healthcare Group and Singhealth. I have my preferences as to which hospital I hope to work in in the future, but I applied to both organisations to leave the option open. I was keeping it in prayer too.

I went for a scholarship interview with National Heathcare Group (NHG) last wednesday, and I thought I totally bombed it! I was feeling a little awkward, I was nervous because I didn't know what to expect. I felt that I was repeating myself, giving run- of- the- mill answers (that were genuinely from the heart and a product of much consolidation and thinking but somehow still came out sounding cliche and memorised), giving off negative body language because I was nervous (I propped up my elbows unconsciously and noticed a conscious glare from one interviewer at said elbows), I didn't know how to answer one question (a question on authority. I was that close to saying 'because God says submit to authority) and so on.

We were told that we would receive notification by this week. So I was checking my email on Friday, but I didn't see any email. So I concluded that I had not been selected for the scholarship and that God has very clearly closed the door, packed my bags and went off for Youth Alpha Holy Spirit weekend.

It's now Saturday evening. I reach home tired from barely any sleep, shower and check my email.

Oh my goodness!! I got the scholarship!

The offer extends till 3 Sept, and should I not give a reply by then it will lapse. But Singhealth (the other scholarship I applied for) has set the interview date to only be on 9 Sept, and offers will only be made that week I suppose.

NOW I've really got to pray. and decide.

Monday, August 25, 2008

Mon, 25 Aug 2008 00:37:54 GMT

so here i am, on a monday morning.
with no school and lessons to attend, and feeling a little lost because i can't find my organiser () and i don't have someone to meet today. it's always dangerous to leave me alone (as in, i leave myself alone to myself) with no programmes lined up for the day. the thought of just being alone, with nothing planned, is disconcerting.

so i'm typing in an entry, to procrastinate on some of the things i actually have to do.
looking at the memo note i've written (in place of my organiser that is still missing and misplaced. hopefully somewhere within the house! ) i see i have 4 things to complete.

ahh, just not having anything or anyone to be with today, apart from myself, bothers me.

anyway, on a let's distract myself note, i have discovered some random facts.

- i've recently picked up running. and whilst running the previous time, i have proccessed through two facts on why i don't like running. Firstly, because i look kinda hideous when i run. (i turn strawberry red, my hair's on a fly away mode and i'm sweaty. ie not the usual me you get). Secondly, quite frankly, it's boring. So.. i came up with two conclusions whilst on my third round. Firstly, i don't want to be slim THAT much. (THAT refering obviously to running). Secondly, i'd much rather dance. There. I've said it. all the running-for-life, running- releases- stress- and i don't know what they are called hormones that make you feel good fans can come settle the score with me. so come find me in the dance studio. we'll see who's having more fun.

- no amount of goodwill will carry me through ironing clothes for a family of five. especially when you're talking about guy's clothes.

- starting work next week, and wondering how things will be.

- i truly hate no schedule days.

obviously we've come one full circle, and i have not been able to distract myself

*scoots off to finish the list of to-dos on my memo*

Friday, August 01, 2008

Fri, 01 Aug 2008 11:59:03 GMT

this year's National Day song made me cry!

TWICE!

emo emo..

especially the story of the little girl.

so it might be really stressful here, and much freer overseas.

but this has been home the past 22 years, is home..

and in the strangest of ways, i really love Singapore.

Monday, July 28, 2008

Mon, 28 Jul 2008 00:11:37 GMT

i want my own frowning sweetie.

... in 6-7 years time?

Friday, July 25, 2008

Fri, 25 Jul 2008 01:27:06 GMT

i watched Dark Knights yesterday! it's nice, a good movie. hee. had a few shocks, and raph-cover-her-eyes, dee-cover-her-ears moments. i'm so not a movie person, probably watch one in a few months. but i saw the trailer of another movie i want to watch! Eagle's eye.. or something along those lines.

Ehub's not too bad a place to go. now there's a nice cinema alternative to the ones in town. ;) plus it's under Cathay so i get my privilege when i wave my student card. i always think it's a bitter-sweet thing.. so i do get something at a cheaper rate with that card, but i also get much less sleep with that card.

speaking of student cards or anything student related.. semester 1 AY 2008-2009 is going to start soon. so utterly sad. bidding for modules is going to start next week.. grrr.. how come science/engineering students don't have to bid for their modules but all the (happening) arts students have to bid for theirs? so it's going to be back to lectures/tutorials/mtgs, 38 deadlines in 12 weeks schedules (at least that was my schedule last semester) and being surrounded by girls who look like they're ready to PARTY more than study. i'm going back as a honours year student! which is really weird because in all honesty, i can remember the time i was a year one student.

that said, i hope i'll only be going back this time for 2 weeks. i sincerely can only find one module that i would be vaguely interested in reading, introduction to clinical neuropsychology (disorders related to brain impairments), and only if i can choose to write my paper on something language and brain related. And out of desperation, i would need to fulfill credit requirements and take other modules like evolutionary psychology, history and systems of psychology (urgh) and i- can't- think- of- one- more-i'd- be- interested- in. all because i've already read three honours year modules in the past AY.

so there, the troubles of raphaela hew. oh woes woes.. (i like the tiny whatever-bummer mouth)

lovey,
raph

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Wed, 23 Jul 2008 00:54:08 GMT

i know.. from not blogging to one post almost every other day.

must be something to do with.. not having much else to do? :)

had a prac session yesterday in church with MM, and i enjoyed myself. :) we've had many songs that individuals in the church have written over the years, and MM's looking to record them. i've always felt more comfortable with the keyboard than with the mike, though it's the mike i've had to be good friends with over the years. haha.. playing with MM's different. There's a basic level of understanding as to what music is, involves, should be like.. what feels right or wrong, because mostly music cannot be put into the most precise of words. everyone wants only the best that they can give to God, in that sense we're acutely aware that we are musicians too.

i don't want anyone to think i'm putting down YFM when i say all these. i'm proud of all the young ones in YFM. :) it's a learning point, and there's always something both ministries can learn, and needs to be learning. With YFM, it's the realisation that we need to be musicians too. there IS a right and wrong where music is concerned, where the feel of music is concerned, where technique is concerned. and if we CAN reach there if we just try, and put effort in improving our technical skills, what's our excuse for not doing so? The heart of worship is not the absence of a pursuit of excellence. Instead, it IS the pursuit of giving our best to Jesus, We joined the music ministry, so we do our part in serving God and the church as musicians.

side track, I've been living the 9am-5pm life the past weeks. haha.. basically hoping KKH will call me, and that hope is lit during office hours of 9am-5pm everyday. monday to saturday. okok.. hee. God doesn't follow office hours, so since my source of hope doesn't follow office hours i'll try not to too.

just some thoughts. :)

lovey,
raph

Monday, July 21, 2008

Mon, 21 Jul 2008 00:40:58 GMT

surrender.

not just the bad things.

the good things as well.

especially the good things.

you know when God shows you good things
things you know are on His heart for you.
things you know and see
desires
deep within you.
that come from meeting God in the most inner place.

it's the not knowing how..
you'll get there.
not knowing what you ought to do, when
yet knowing it must be
that's difficult.

the fear of missing something,
making a wrong decision.
just anything.

then there are things you want.
think it would be a blessing to have.
good things.
how can they be anything but good?
in your perception at least.

God is demanding all these from me again.

it is not these things He wants me to want.

not till I learn
it is Him i am to want most.

surrender.

even the good things.

because God is always better.

then live it out.
let it play out in everyday life.
let the heart of surrender manifest in the everyday life.

may God be glorified.
and may I become more and more like Jesus.

it is no longer i who live
but Christ who lives in me

and the life which i now live in the flesh,
i live by faith in the Son of God,
who loved me and gave Himself up for me.